My dad died. In 2000, but still, he is dead. Sometimes I feel like it is all brand new that he died, even though on July 10th it will be seven years. The feelings, the thoughts. That he isn’t here to see his granddaughter exploring becoming a photographer, as he was, and not knowing how much his grandson loves bike riding, as he did. I wish my dad had known those things – they would have given him great joy, whereas I always felt I disappointed him in those areas. Sorry, dad, at least I love swimming , as you did. I went swimming the day you died, Dad, in a community pool, just the way we did when I was a little girl. It was the best thing to do – should I thank you for dying in July rather than January? You died so soon after Independence Day. That was the last time I talked to you. You were sad that you were no longer independent. Part of me thinks that you thought you’d lived enough and somehow just willed yourself to die. Did you do that, Dad? I’ll ways be grateful that we made a better connection in the last years of your life and that we came to understand that we were both trying our best to show our love and caring for each other, even when we didn’t have the skills to do it well. I’m glad we got to talk in new ways, listen in new ways and feel loved in new ways. Bye, dad. I miss you.

COMMENTS

Me too
Submitted by SusanRose on Sun, 2007-08-05 20:44.

My dad died on Aug 19,2003- sudden heart attack. WE had an unusal opportunity to spend some quite quality time together the wekend before he died. I still consult him.
On Wednesday I am going with my mother & uncle to their families cemetry, so they can give me information about my ancestors. So when I talk about my parents in years to come they will be part of a family history and they will all live on in our memories